Week 37

"Irrespective of age, we mourn for those loved and lost. Mourning is one of the deepest expressions of pure love. It is a natural response in complete accord with the divine commandment: 'Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die' (D&C 42:45).

Moreover, we can't fully appreciate joyful reunions later without tearful separations now. The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take  love out of life."

                                                                                                                     -Russel M. Nelson, Doors of Death

It has been a good, but emotionally draining week.

Kevin and I got a call Friday afternoon from a family member in Utah letting us know that Kevin's grandpa, Vic Nielsen, had a massive stroke and wasn't going to make it. 

Kevin and I made the decision to come out to Utah to be there, here, when they took Grandpa off life support, and to stay until after his funeral. Thanks to a very generous family member, we were able to get on a plane Saturday afternoon.

Saturday night and Sunday morning were spent at the hospital waiting for all the Nielsen children to arrive, along with their spouses, and grandchildren.

I have lost family members and children, but this was something I had never experienced before.

For starters, this will be the first funeral I have ever attended where I am old enough to be aware of what's going on. The last funeral I went to was for my great grandpa and I was maybe five years old?

I have also never watched anyone die.

Honestly, I was scared. I was scared of watching him die, and I was really scared of being so close to death, but I have never seen anything as beautiful and tender as his passing.

Even though we were all sad, the tone in Grandpa's hospital room was peaceful and uplifting. We all laughed, hugged, told stories, and talked about Grandpa's life and what sort of man he was. Everyone took turns holding Grandpa's hand or gently brushing his forehead while they cried. I put one of Grandpa's hands on my stomach so he could feel his 10th great grandchild move. His wife, Grandma Marlene, put his favorite tie around his neck, and their sons, sons-in-law, and all the other men in the room who hold the Priesthood, gave him a beautiful blessing. Those who wanted to, wept as they said their goodbyes aloud.

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck that which is planted;"

                                                                                                                                 -Ecclesiastes 3:1-2

One of Grandpa's sons, Uncle Jared, wrote this describing the time between Grandpa being taken off life support and his passing:

"The deep sleep begins in a morphine dream as the sterile steel and sanitized plastics are removed, leaving only the man. He is tired and amid halting breaths heaves an occasional sigh as the soul untangles, ever so gently, from the survivor corporeal form. The noble man-soul, appealing to depart negotiates with his own instinctual form who clings to survive, to breathe, to pulse. I see a brave man who knows that his time has come but still has to engage in the final negotiation in his own melded form to assuage his own intrinsic need to live. Surrounded by those that dream for him to suddenly shudder awake, but gently urge him to move, to go, to shed this mortal coil, he slowly makes the choice, and as his Savior before him, he sleeps. God rest you noble man and take your rest."

Victor Nielsen, 1939-2014

Grandpa Nielsen passed around 3:24pm Sunday afternoon surrounded by those he loved, and who loved him. It couldn't have been more beautiful. 

Because of our Savior, Jesus Christ, I know death is not the end. I take comfort in knowing we will all be together again. In the meantime, I imagine Grandpa is with our daughter, Sarai, and that they're having a great time getting to know each other. When we see them again, both will be whole, and it will be a glorious reunion.

Rest in peace, Grandpa Nielsen. Grandma is being well cared for, and we have the dishes covered. We love you. 

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How far along: 37 weeks and 2 days. Only 19 days to go!

Maternity clothes: Some.

Sleep: Love it.

Movement: It feels like I'm carrying a yoga master. 

Cravings: Getting this baby out (but only after September 10th since we're still in Utah).

Symptoms: Really tired again and peeing all the time.

Belly button in or out: Half and half.

Ring on or off: On.

Signs of labor: Nope.

Worst moment of the week: Hearing about Grandpa.

Best moment of the week: Being with the family.

What I'm looking forward to: Spending the next eight days with the family before heading home.

Victories of the week: I got in a little over 25 miles of hiking over the past week. That felt good. Haven't peed my pants. Still tying my own shoes, etc.

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Size of baby: Our little miss could be 19.1 inches long from head to heel, and weigh as much as 6.5lbs. She is roughly the size as a bunch of Swiss chard this week (which seems a lot easier to push out than a coconut). 

Our Swiss baby.

Milestones: Our baby is now considered full-term and can be born any day now. She will continue to gain weight at about half an ounce a day. She is ready to make her entrance into this world. 

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No bump photos, but I do have family photos from this week to share:

Love y'all. 

Over n' out.

Final Month

"Some day you will be old enough to start 

reading fairy tales again." 

                                                                                                                 C.S. Lewis

I meant to post something over the weekend, but we were very busy moving rooms around and setting up the nursery! We're still collecting the odds and ends, but it finally feels like things are ready.

Yesterday I had my 36 week appointment. Blood pressure was good, actually lost weight over this past week (I believe that's due to finally being able to "go" again), urine looked great, and my uterus is still measuring right on track. Baby girl is head down and seems to be enjoying herself in there.
I had the strep B test done which wasn't as bad as I was expecting it to be. I also had my cervix checked. Things are happening down there and it makes me very excited.

Up until yesterday I hadn't registered at the hospital I plan on delivering at or packed my hospital bag. My bag still isn't packed, but I do have a list of what I want to put in it (hey, I want to use some of those things in the meantime), and I finally went and got all the registration stuff taken care of.

I am loving all the walking and hiking I've been getting in. I might not like living so far from the city, or from anything, but it sure is pretty here. Yesterday I went up to the trails earlier than I normally do. There was still fog hanging over some of the trees, the view of Denver was clear and beautiful, and it was at that perfect time of morning where the sun starts shining through the tree branches. Very relaxing.
There were only two other people up there, but I only ever saw them in the parking lot so it felt like I had the trails all to myself. The only things I saw on the trail were deer and wild turkeys. It was so quiet that I kept switching between feeling entirely at peace and really frightened, haha. I need to start going up there early more often. 

The work situation has been really stressful for us. Kevin and I have both experienced a lot of frustration and doubt over the past few months. There have been many exciting and promising things fall in our laps only to never go anywhere which has been incredibly discouraging. I would say depression has definitely afflicted  both of us throughout this waiting period and we have spent several nights sharing our "darkness" and discussing faith and patience.
Over this past week, we've both had experiences which have rejuvenated our spirits and helped increase our hope. Life gives everyone plenty of mountains to climb. I'm grateful for the gentle reminder I received that we're not doing this alone. 

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How far along: 36 weeks and 4 days. Only 24 days to go (if I deliver by my due date). 

Maternity clothes: Some. If I wore jeans, I would definitely need some maternity ones.

Sleep: I've been really tired lately from late nights and early mornings, but I have no problem sleeping. I love sleep, and when I have the time I get plenty of it.

Movement: She moves all the time and I love it, even when it hurts or makes me pee. The movement will be what I miss most when she arrives.

Cravings: Can getting this baby out be a craving? If so, that's my craving. If not, then salt and fat.

Symptoms: Nothing really other than peeing all the time.

Belly button in or out: Still half in. It's a fighter.

Signs of labor: Nope :(

Worst moment of the week: Running errands by myself and getting terribly lost. I ended up 50 minutes away from where I was trying to go. I pulled into a DQ parking lot and called Kevin sobbing, haha. It's funny now, but it sure wasn't yesterday.

Best moment of the week: Setting up the nursery, my OB appointment, and listening to Kevin talk about his daughter and how excited he is to meet her.

What I'm looking forward to: Reading to and rocking her to sleep in the glider, and for her and Kevin to meet. I think they're going to like each other.

Victories of the week: Washing and putting away all the baby clothes, getting all the errands I needed to get done done, and reaching fitness goals. Still putting on my own socks and shoes, still shaving my own legs, and still doing an awesome job at not peeing my pants.
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Size of baby: This week she measures 18.7 inches long and weighs just under 6 lbs. She is a coconut. 

Milestones: Our little miss is packing on weight at the rate of about an ounce a day. She is head down in preparation for game time. Her skull bones are still not fused together yet so her head can easily maneuver through the birth canal. At the end of this week, she will be considered early term!

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I have lots of pictures for today.

Here are the clothing items I'm choosing between for her coming home outfit: 

 This is from her auntie Kayleigh (love you). If it's cold, this is what we will bring her home in.

I love these too. They're a gift from my good friend Abby. 

Here are the nursery pictures!

Glider! I love sitting here and can't wait to share it with our daughter!

Nightstand with our baby books in it. I don't know what I'm going to put in the drawer yet.

 Sign I made.

The crib! I love, love, love it. We still need to put sheets on it, but that's it. 

 Close up of the banner which one of my visiting teachers made for me. She made the puffy balls too.

 Changing table! We're still waiting for our changing pad right now so we have some shoes sitting on top of it. 

The paintings I made a while ago are finally up!

 Socks, hats, pants, mittens, etc. Diapers and more changing supplies are in the side cupboard. 

The closet with only about half her clothes in it (the rest are in the bottom drawers of the changing table until I buy more hangers) and baby gear we're not opening yet on the floor. 

 Some bump photos from this morning:

Bye, toes!

 Right 

 Front

Left

And here are a couple videos:

The end. 

Over n' out.

35 weeks

"What we learn from experience depends on the kind of philosophy we bring to the experience." C.S. Lewis

Had an OB appointment this morning. Everything still looks great. Blood pressure was 102/61, uterus is measuring on track, and weight gain was good. My urine was a little concentrated and they told me to drink more water, but I already drink between 92 and 115oz a day. I feel like I'm drinking all day long so adding another bottle or two a day doesn't sound like fun, especially since I'm peeing all the time already too.

My appointments are now weekly! Next week I'm being tested for GBS and my cervix checks will begin. I might also be having another ultrasound, but that's still up in the air. I am so excited to be having weekly appointments now because it will help the time pass more quickly.

I know babies come when they're ready, but I'm still scared of going past the due date I was given. I'm not worried about things going wrong if she comes past that date, I'm just impatient. I want to hold my baby NOW.
I have been doing a lot of hiking and walking in hopes of helping things along. Yesterday, Kevin and I took a nice six mile hike after church, and if the weather cooperates, I plan on going on another one today. If nothing else, at least the exercise makes me feel happy.

Not all of these were taken yesterday, but here are some photos of where we like to go:

 On the way up.

 On the way up.

 On the way up.

View from trail.

 View from trail.

 View from trail, heading back home.

 View from trail.

View from trail.

I decided to put the jogging stroller together and test it out. I love it! I've taken it on several hikes and a jogging session and I'm quite impressed with how smooth it is. It does great on the road and on the dirt trails (no sidewalks around here). I'm sure it will be a lot different with an actual baby in it, but I'm enjoying the practice. To make it a little more real, I have a couple two liter bottles of water wrapped in a towel strapped into it (my water babies). I added a dog a couple days ago too.
During my second test drive it started pouring rain. I was almost to the top so I decided not to turn back right away (luckily the stroller is also waterproof). I had to explain to one persistent old man that I didn't need a ride home and that it was only water bottles, and let several other people know I wasn't pushing a real baby around in that weather. Other than the old man, who still seemed very concerned for my child, everyone laughed about it and shared some parenting jokes.

 Jogging stroller packed and ready to go :)

My mom, who has lived in Washington and Florida for a few years, is moving to Denver! She left Florida yesterday, will spend a couple days with my sister and her family in Texas, and be in Denver by Wednesday evening. I'm so excited to have her closer! When we lived together we were jogging/hiking buddies, and we both love to bake so it will be nice to have someone around to do those things with again.

Since we'll be so close, she'll also get to be around when the baby is born. She was really upset that she wasn't able to make it out for the baby shower, but I think being here for the birth will make up for it :)

I'm still working on my first quilt. I haven't gotten very far. I'm having serious tension problems with my sewing machine and have had terrible luck in fixing it. I will get it done though. I must.

At 34+6 weeks along, Kevin and I made our first purchase on Saturday. We bought a baby monitor and a safety/grooming kit. We have a ton of baby stuff, but this was our first official baby purchase. My heart was pounding the entire time. It was a bizarre and wonderful experience. I didn't cry, but I sure wanted to.

We also put the car seat in the car this week! Life is getting real around here. 

***A note to all those who sent us a gift, I wanted to let you know that we're still in the process of writing our thank you cards. They should all be sent out this week. We have not forgotten you or your generosity. We love you and greatly appreciate what you have done for us.  

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How far along: 35+1 weeks and, if I don't go past my due date, only 34 days left!

Maternity clothes: I wear the three maternity shirts I have, but they're a size or two too big so they're used for exercise and sleep. They are super comfy though. Stretchy skirts and my sweat pants are my best friend.   

Wedding ring on or off: On, which I'm very grateful for.

Sleep: I still sleep a lot, but I'm not as tired as I have been which is wonderful. I finally feel like I'm being productive. 

Movement: She likes to move it, move it. 

Cravings: Tums and stool softeners. Not because they taste good, but because I need them.

Symptoms: Did my previous answer not give it away? Heartburn and constipation. I had my first experience with leg cramps this week too, which was not fun. 

Belly button in or out: It's fighting to stay in, but I'm afraid I'm losing it. 

Signs of labor: Nothing more than BH contractions here and there.

Worst moment of the week: Getting leg cramps. I was unable to fall asleep until 8:00am because they hurt so much. I'm grateful that has only happened once and that I was still able to get good sleep in that day. Leg cramps are no joke.

Best moment of the week: Listening to music with our little miss. I placed the speaker on my belly and we watched her dance for a while. She might have been annoyed and trying to tell us to turn it down, but we still enjoyed it.

What I'm looking forward to: Having this baby.

Victories of the week: Still putting on my own socks and shoes. Still able to shave my legs. I have not peed my pants this week. Not even a little. 

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Size of baby: Our little miss is 18-20 inches long and weighs almost 5.5lbs! The internet says she's currently a honeydew.

We can't wait to meet this honeydew of ours. 

Milestones: Her kidneys should be fully developed and her liver can now process some waste products. Apparently, she now has full-length fingernails and toenails now. Most of her basic physical development is now complete. Her central nervous system is maturing and her lungs are almost fully developed. For the next several weeks, she will be working on gaining weight, getting plump, and being awesome.

35 weeks on the inside

Here is a cool video showing how the organs move during pregnancy to make room for the baby. Watch it.

And here's my 35+1 week bump:

Front view. I don't feel as tired as I look.

Side view. Okay, maybe I am a little tired. 

View from above of my disappearing toes and belly button.

And that's the end. 

Over n' out

34 weeks

"O give thanks unto the Lord; for he is good: because his mercy endureth forever" 

                                                                                                                                                                                                  Psalms 118:1

A friend of ours, who is going to be a great dad some day, recently asked me if I spent a lot of time rubbing my belly during the day. He looked genuinely excited when he asked. What I wanted to say was, "Yes, I spend a lot of time rubbing my stomach each day. I love playing with her little feet, and cradling her head and cute little bum in my hands. I rest my hands on my belly to comfort myself and when I sing to her. I want to hold and take care of her, and rubbing my belly is as close as I can get to that right now." But instead I said, "not really," and then I told him I spend most of the day crying or sleeping! What is wrong with me? 

Now, I do break into tears a lot lately (happy tears!) and I definitely spend way too much time sleeping, but there is so much more to my day, to my pregnancy, and to my relationship with my unborn daughter than crying and sleeping. 

I'm crazy excited for this friend and his wife to have kids. They will be amazing parents! I want to be able to share real, meaningful, and special things about this pregnancy with friends like them so they have more to look forward to with their own upcoming experiences.  

They'll hear enough about how pregnancy sucks for some women, horror stories, and lame "get used to never sleeping again" jokes/advice, etc. I want to add to the stories they hear about the happiness and beauty that's involved because that's the best part, and there's a lot of it. 

This week, I received a wonderful diaper bag, a super soft lavender blanket, and baby bibs in the mail. None of them came with a letter or name/address so I don't know who sent them. If it was you, I love them! I would love to send you a thank you card, or thank you in person, so please, if you sent one of those items let me know.

Seriously, the generosity everyone has showed us the past few months is amazing. Y'all have taken great care of us and really spoiled our little one. Thank you, thank you, thank you! 

My mother-in-law and Kevin's grandma got me a rocking chair which we set up this week. I have spent a great deal of time sitting in it holding a baby blanket or rubbing my stomach while fantasizing about what it will be like once Baby J arrives. 

Eeee!

We also put the crib together! Now all I need to do is put some sheets on it, figure out where we're going to put it, and have a baby. 

Love, love, love!

Our little miss is running out of room. 

Her movements have stopped being isolated kicks, punches, and rolls for the most part, and turned into big stretches that affect my entire stomach. Sometimes I think she's sick of not having much space because her movements seem desperate or aggressive. I still love it, but it feels really weird, and it gets painful.

Most often, she'll stick her butt out on the right, and push her feet as far out on the left as they'll go, making my stomach take on a really odd form. I'll use both hands to try to squish her back in a little because it hurts when she stretches like that, but she'll only stay that way for a couple seconds before returning to her previous position (along with a couple hard kicks to show me how she doesn't appreciate my method of asking her to move).
Her most common position is to have her head down low, her body laying against my right side, her butt pushed up under my right rib, and her feet and legs over on the left. I often feel like a hammock because of how she is laying, only one that also folds you in half, hah. 

Baby J has found my belly button which I dislike. Anything she does that involves my belly button hurts bad. Sometimes it will send a sharp pain from my belly button all the way down and makes me jump.
She also gets the hiccups a lot, which I love. Baby hiccups are wonderful. 

She's not just running out of room either. The clock is ticking and my due date is fast approaching. I have six weeks left and can officially say I am due next month. 

Six weeks still sounds like a long time, to me at least, but two friends who were due only three weeks before me gave birth this weekend, and one friend who was due two months after me gave birth last week! 

Since I hit the third trimester, my OB has been saying she can come any time now, but that didn't mean anything to me until the ladies due around the same time as me started having their babies. 

Little Miss, I love you to pieces and I cannot wait to finally hold you, but please, please, please stay in there until at least 38 weeks!

How far along: 34 weeks. Only 42 days left!

Maternity clothes: Some.

Wedding ring on or off: On.

Sleep: I sleep so much. I get about 10 hours a night and nap for 2-3 hours in the afternoon. 

Movement: Lots. 

Cravings: Nothing in particular, but possibly grilled chicken salads? 

Symptoms: Heartburn, nausea, I'm even bigger/rounder, and I can't stop sleeping.

Belly button in or out: In, but it has definitely been stretched this week, and still has plenty of time to pop out.

Signs of labor: No, only more fake contractions. 

Worst moment of the week: While peeing Thursday morning, I started feeling sick. I thought, "I better lay down when I'm done," but as soon as I got up I knew I wasn't going to make it. I leaned over the bathroom sink and started throwing up. Now, puking isn't all that bad by itself or in the morning when you don't have anything to throw up yet, but I didn't just throw up. I also wet my pants! Not a little bit either. All the way down both legs. I had used the restroom less than five minutes ago! How did I have that much urine left? I had just done laundry and showered the night before too. Lame. 

Best moment of the week: Alone time with Kevin and Baby J. Also, Kevin got to feel her feet today and I just about melted. I love our little family.

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Size of baby: Our little miss weighs roughly 4.75 to 5lbs and could be 18-20 inches long already. Her fruit this week is a cantaloupe, which sounds really good right now. 

Milestones: She is still putting on weight and her skin is smoother than ever. Her central nervous system and lungs are continuing to mature. Her tiny fingernails have probably reached her fingertips by now. Babies born between now and 37 weeks who have no other health problems are generally fine. Some may need NICU time and have short-term health problems, but they tend to do as well as full-term babies in the long run.

Now, for some photos:

 34 weeks

 34 weeks bare belly

Front view, showing my stretched out belly button and linea nigra

And with that, I'm out.