"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." -Dr. Seuss
"As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you:
continue ye in my love." -John 15:9
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Monday, September 22, 2014
She's here!
“Belief in miracles, far from depending on an ignorance of the laws of nature, is only possible in so far as those laws are known. We have already seen that if you begin ruling out the supernatural you will perceive no miracles. We must now add that you will equally perceive no miracles until you believe that nature works according to regular laws. If you have not yet noticed that the sun always rises in the East you will see nothing miraculous about his rising one morning in the West.”
C.S. Lewis, Miracles
Friday, September 19th, I went in for an OB appointment I had to get my membranes stripped. My OB doesn’t like women going past 41 weeks so if I made it to my next appointment on Tuesday, September 23rd, we were going to set up an induction date. I was hoping having my membranes stripped would help me go into labor over the weekend and avoid being induced.
When I got there, my OB decided to do a nonstress test (NST) since I was already so close to my due date. A nonstress test is a common, noninvasive, prenatal test used to monitor the baby and make sure it’s not showing any signs of distress.
During my NST, which was perfect, she decided to do an ultrasound to confirm baby was head down so we could set up the induction that day instead of waiting until Tuesday. She said she likes to make sure the head is down via ultrasound before setting up any induction. I didn’t mind because I love seeing the little miss (and I wanted to get an estimate on her weight since Kevin was such a big baby).
During the ultrasound, the tech took a lot of pictures of our baby’s heart. They did a follow-up ultrasound when I was 24 weeks to check on a bright spot they were concerned about, so I was a little worried that she was taking as many pictures of it as she was. I asked if everything was okay and she said yes, but that my OB would come in to talk to me about the results in a few minutes.
My OB walked in, said she was glad they did the ultrasound, and informed me that they found extra fluid around the baby’s heart. I was told that not only did I need to head to the hospital as soon as possible to meet with a specialist, but that I would be being induced that night and, depending on the severity of the issue, would be delivering by emergency c-section.
I called my husband, told him he needed to pack his hospital bag, grab mine, and meet me at the hospital because something was wrong with our daughter’s heart. Then I sobbed, prayed, and yelled at rush-hour traffic the entire way to the hospital.
Kevin and I sat through a terrifying in-depth ultrasound at the hospital and waited for the specialist to show up which felt like an eternity. I was expecting the worst. I couldn’t stop crying. All I could think about was how I didn’t feel strong enough to lose another baby. I couldn’t do it.
Fortunately, the specialist, Dr. Kahn, brought nothing but better news. Our baby did (does) have extra fluid around her heart, but it’s at the high end of normal, nothing extreme. She said everything else about our baby looked perfectly healthy and normal.
Dr. Kahn told us I wouldn’t need an emergency c-section, but that they did want to keep me overnight to monitor our baby’s heart rate, and to induce me early Saturday morning.
I was told NICU staff members would be present at delivery, just in case, and that we would be having a fetal echocardiogram done 12-48 hrs after delivery, again, just to be safe. She also told me she approved of my OB’s decision to send me to the hospital because the extra fluid was a good catch and something that should be checked out (she must have sensed how upset I was over my OB’s reaction compared to hers).
During my NST, which was perfect, she decided to do an ultrasound to confirm baby was head down so we could set up the induction that day instead of waiting until Tuesday. She said she likes to make sure the head is down via ultrasound before setting up any induction. I didn’t mind because I love seeing the little miss (and I wanted to get an estimate on her weight since Kevin was such a big baby).
During the ultrasound, the tech took a lot of pictures of our baby’s heart. They did a follow-up ultrasound when I was 24 weeks to check on a bright spot they were concerned about, so I was a little worried that she was taking as many pictures of it as she was. I asked if everything was okay and she said yes, but that my OB would come in to talk to me about the results in a few minutes.
My OB walked in, said she was glad they did the ultrasound, and informed me that they found extra fluid around the baby’s heart. I was told that not only did I need to head to the hospital as soon as possible to meet with a specialist, but that I would be being induced that night and, depending on the severity of the issue, would be delivering by emergency c-section.
I called my husband, told him he needed to pack his hospital bag, grab mine, and meet me at the hospital because something was wrong with our daughter’s heart. Then I sobbed, prayed, and yelled at rush-hour traffic the entire way to the hospital.
Kevin and I sat through a terrifying in-depth ultrasound at the hospital and waited for the specialist to show up which felt like an eternity. I was expecting the worst. I couldn’t stop crying. All I could think about was how I didn’t feel strong enough to lose another baby. I couldn’t do it.
Fortunately, the specialist, Dr. Kahn, brought nothing but better news. Our baby did (does) have extra fluid around her heart, but it’s at the high end of normal, nothing extreme. She said everything else about our baby looked perfectly healthy and normal.
Dr. Kahn told us I wouldn’t need an emergency c-section, but that they did want to keep me overnight to monitor our baby’s heart rate, and to induce me early Saturday morning.
I was told NICU staff members would be present at delivery, just in case, and that we would be having a fetal echocardiogram done 12-48 hrs after delivery, again, just to be safe. She also told me she approved of my OB’s decision to send me to the hospital because the extra fluid was a good catch and something that should be checked out (she must have sensed how upset I was over my OB’s reaction compared to hers).
After our consultation, I went to my assigned room with Kevin and my mother-in-law, where I ate my last meal for a while before being hooked up everything.
I had the same devices they used for the NST strapped to my belly, and they started me on a super low dose of pitocin. The low dose wasn’t meant to induce me, but they did want it on to help prep me for my early morning induction. I didn’t feel anything contraction wise until about an hour before they got things started, but they just felt like period cramps in my lower back.
At 6:00am Saturday morning, my OB broke my water and my nurse upped the pitocin. She waited an hour or so, and then started to up it every 20 minutes.
I had wanted to try a natural birth, and for the first two and a half hours I thought I was actually going to be able to do it. I had practiced breathing techniques throughout my pregnancy and was using a visualization technique I had found that I liked.
During a contraction, I would close my eyes and “see” it as a water wave; rising, peaking, and falling again. I would picture myself surfing on the wave, or floating on my back, as it moved under me. I would breathe deeply and tell myself not to fight it as I would relax my whole body. Honestly, it worked amazingly well and I felt quite peaceful in the beginning.
Around 8:00am, the contractions started really picking up. It was harder to relax my whole body through the waves, but I was still okay. By 8:30am, I couldn’t relax my body at all through contractions and I could only repeat, “ride the wave” over and over again in my head. Not exactly peaceful anymore.
At 8:45am, I told myself I could make it until 9:00am before asking for the epidural and I let Kevin know I wasn’t going to be able to do a pain med free birth like I wanted. My nurse came in at 8:50am, and I asked for the epidural right then. I couldn’t make it until 9:00am.
I had the same devices they used for the NST strapped to my belly, and they started me on a super low dose of pitocin. The low dose wasn’t meant to induce me, but they did want it on to help prep me for my early morning induction. I didn’t feel anything contraction wise until about an hour before they got things started, but they just felt like period cramps in my lower back.
At 6:00am Saturday morning, my OB broke my water and my nurse upped the pitocin. She waited an hour or so, and then started to up it every 20 minutes.
I had wanted to try a natural birth, and for the first two and a half hours I thought I was actually going to be able to do it. I had practiced breathing techniques throughout my pregnancy and was using a visualization technique I had found that I liked.
During a contraction, I would close my eyes and “see” it as a water wave; rising, peaking, and falling again. I would picture myself surfing on the wave, or floating on my back, as it moved under me. I would breathe deeply and tell myself not to fight it as I would relax my whole body. Honestly, it worked amazingly well and I felt quite peaceful in the beginning.
Around 8:00am, the contractions started really picking up. It was harder to relax my whole body through the waves, but I was still okay. By 8:30am, I couldn’t relax my body at all through contractions and I could only repeat, “ride the wave” over and over again in my head. Not exactly peaceful anymore.
At 8:45am, I told myself I could make it until 9:00am before asking for the epidural and I let Kevin know I wasn’t going to be able to do a pain med free birth like I wanted. My nurse came in at 8:50am, and I asked for the epidural right then. I couldn’t make it until 9:00am.
Between that time, and the time it took for the anesthesiologists to show up (maybe 10 minutes), I started crying, shaking, and vocalizing through contractions. I also started feeling a lot of pressure down below. The contractions were hard, long, and almost back to back. It felt like another was starting before the last one had even finished ending.
Getting the epidural was a breeze. No pain, no headache, no blood pressure issues or having it drop to one side... It felt cold, then I started to feel warm, and slowly each contraction became more and more bearable until I was pain free.
Because of my previous symptoms, everyone thought I would be close to the end, but I was only dilated to a 5 (I started at 4).
Since my contractions were really close together and they were going to be short staff for a while, they turned off the pitocin and let me labor on my own. My contractions leveled off at about a minute and a half apart and I stayed there until about 1:00pm when they started spreading further apart.
At that point, the pitocin was turned back on and I was checked again to see where I was at. Only a 6! Even though I wasn’t in pain, I wanted to cry. I had made hardly any progress! I thought I was going to labor all day and into the next at the rate I was going.
Just as earlier, my nurse started upping the pitocin every 20 minutes. Around 1:30pm, I started feeling pressure which made me panic so I pushed the button I was given for more epidural magic. I was still feeling the pressure at 2:00pm so I let my nurse know. She checked me and I was fully dilated!
I asked if I could try pushing lightly when I felt the pressure because it felt good, but after doing a practice push with me, she told me I needed to wait until my OB showed up. My mom asked if something was wrong and the nurse said, “No, but if you push anymore I’ll be the one catching the baby.”
My OB showed up around 2:20pm and got the room ready (table, birth stuff, NICU people, etc), and we started pushing around 2:30pm. I pushed through 4 contractions to get her head out, waited a contraction or two until my OB told me to push again, and pushed one more time for the rest of her to come out.
When I got the epidural with Little Bear, I was super loopy and couldn’t feel a single thing from the waist down. With Sarai, I couldn’t feel anything from the waist down, and my blood pressure went crazy. I was worried something like that would happen again, but I could move my legs the whole time, no blood pressure problems, I was completely aware, and I felt the birth!
It was amazing (and really weird)! I could feel her head moving further down and stretching me, I could feel what’s called the ring of fire, I could feel when her head was fully out, and I could feel her shoulders and the rest of her slide out. There wasn’t any pain, only intense pressure. Because of the pressure, I even felt a rush of relief when it was all over!
I immediately started crying when I heard her cry, and then a tiny, sticky, vernix covered, purple body was placed on my chest, and I met my daughter face to face for the first time.
Miriam Renee Dolan (Miri, for short) was born 9.20.2014 at 2:42pm. She weighed 6lbs 150z, and is 19 ¼ inches of heaven on earth.
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Breastfeeding has been hard and painful, but not in the ways I expected.
I have not had any nipple or breast pain yet, but whenever I breastfeed, or Miri gets her face close to one of my boobs, I get really painful uterine contractions that feel just like labor. They’re even hard to breathe through. No fun.
I thought I would have a really difficult time with latching, but Miri is actually a champ at breastfeeding once we can wake her up enough to actually eat. I had no idea it would be so much work to wake a baby up to eat. I’m supposed to feed her every three hours until my milk supply is well established, but sometimes she just won’t have it. We have to take her diaper off and all clothes/blankets, tickle her tummy and feet, blow in her face (lightly, of course), tap underneath her chin, and wiggle my nipple in her mouth constantly to keep her awake most of the time, and even then, a lot of the times she sleeps through all of it!
The good thing is she loves my boobs. She loves holding them in her mouth, with her hands, or using them as pillows. They bring her immediate comfort which means I get lots of awesome cuddles.
None of this feels real. I am so in love with Miriam, but it hasn’t quite sunk in yet that she’s actually my daughter. Kevin and I are taking her home with us in less than 24hrs. Kevin and I are parents; mom and dad. Bizarre doesn’t even begin to explain how things feel right now, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
She is currently sleeping on Kevin’s chest as we wait for her next feeding session, and we’re laughing about how incredibly gassy she is (and stinky).
Skin to skin right after our little miss was born.
Meeting Miriam for the firs time.
Meeting Miriam for the first time.
Holding her after she got wiped up a bit.
Dad holding his daughter. (My heart could explode!)
Auntie Brooklyn holding her niece for the first time.
Little Miri
Life is good, my friends. So, so good.
Monday, September 15, 2014
39 Weeks!
"The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is."
C.S. Lewis
This could be my last pregnancy post. I'm officially in my last week of pregnancy before hitting my estimated due date.
I know babies come when they're ready, and I want our little miss fully cooked, but I'm really hoping I don't go past my due date.
I have been very emotional over still being pregnant since my last OB appointment on Thursday. I'm back in Colorado and everything is ready for our daughter. Now I'm just waiting for her to come out, and the wait is driving me crazy!
Pregnancy hasn't sucked or been really hard, but I can't wait to meet our daughter! I want to read to her, I want to rock her in our glider, I want to sing to her, I want her to meet her father, I want to smell her new baby smell... I have been waiting so long to bring a baby home and now that it's right around the corner it feels like it's never going to happen (irrational, I know).
I almost forgot! I took my quilting supplies to Utah with us because my machine is broken and I knew Grandma's was working (plus, she'd be able to help me since she has been quilting/sewing for quite a while). I am happy to announce that due to her guidance and wonderful sewing machine, I finally finished my baby blanket! It's a little crooked and my binding is messy, but I love how it turned out.
Front
Back
Both
How far along: 39 weeks + 1 day, and praying there aren't more than six days left!
Maternity clothes: Some.
Sleep: When I do sleep I sleep great, but I've been really anxious which has been making it hard to fall asleep and stay asleep.
Movement: She still moves a lot, but she doesn't have a lot of room to work with.
Cravings: Breakfast burritos and pumpkin pie (I ate both today).
Symptoms: Baby has dropped, less heartburn, and anxiety/end of pregnancy blues.
Belly button in or out: Still half n' half. Top part pokes out, bottom part is shallow.
Wedding ring on or off: On.
Signs of labor: Nothing promising. Don't ask me about it. Booooo. Hissss. :(
Worst moment of the week: Not going into labor.
Best moment of the week: Being married to my husband.
What I'm looking forward to: Having this baby!
Victories of the week: After peeing my pants a million times while sick (oh yeah, I got sick while in Utah), I haven't wet my pants once since being home. Heck yeah! Still putting on my own socks and shoes and tying them. Walking/hiking like a champ.
Size of baby: It's likely she's around 20 inches long and weighs a bit over 7 lbs (about the size of a mini watermelon)!
Oh my gosh, please come out before you get any bigger!
Milestones: Trolling her parents and being stubborn.
And for my 39 week belly photo:
Close enough.
There you have it folks. Hopefully next week we'll have a baby on the outside. Send me all the labor vibes you can!
In preparation for the big day :)
Sunday, September 7, 2014
38 Weeks
"A grand adventure is about to begin."
-Winnie the Pooh
Kevin and I are still in Utah enjoying time with family. We fly home Wednesday night and are very grateful that we were able to be here for everything this past week.
On Tuesday, I went out with several other women in the family to get our hair done and pedicures. I was in heaven and felt great the rest of the day (my hair are feet also looked great). I don't need to get my hair done again for a while, but I think I'll get another pedicure if I haven't gone into labor by my due date because that massage was awesome. I want more.
I haven't gone into labor yet which is great news. As much as I want this baby girl out, we're hoping she stays in until at least Thursday.
The list of things we have left to do or buy is small which is comforting. After an amazon shopping spree, our little miss now has everything she will need for when she arrives, and everything else left on the list is more for me than for her. I mean, she'll need them eventually, but the essentials are taken care of.
We have been playing the waiting game since December (well, really July 2013), but now we're at the end and the game is a lot more intense.
__________________________________________________________
How far along: 38 weeks! Hopefully no less than four, and no more than fourteen, days left.
Sleep: Yes, yes, and yes. I get lots and I love it.
Movement: She likes to jab me with her elbows. I keep telling her there's only one way for her to get more room and that taking her frustrations out on me isn't going to help, but it hasn't clicked yet.
Cravings: No more food, please! I have eaten so much this week. Make it stop. Also tums. Lots and lots of tums.
Symptoms: My family no longer trusts me to go hiking. My ankles have been starting to tingle which usually means they're about to swell (which they have also been doing). So far nobody has noticed the swelling, but I can feel it and I don't like it. My heartburn is terrible. I hate it, it hates me. Lots of hate with that symptom.
Belly button in or out: Half and half. The top part pokes out.
Wedding ring on or off: On.
Signs of labor: No (yay, but mostly boo).
Worst moment of the week: Catching an awful cold on Tuesday and being sick all week. I'm doing a lot better today than I have been, but I'm still running slow. I'm hoping I feel 100% better by the time we leave.
Best moment of the week: Grandpa's funeral. It was such a beautiful service. Also, spending so much time with family.
What I'm looking forward to: Having full health, sleeping in my own bed, and nesting.
Victories of the week: Shaving my own legs and not peeing my pants every time I cough.
___________________________________________________________Size of baby: Our little miss could be anywhere from 17-21 inches long, and weigh between 6.25 and 7.5lbs. So, she could be a bunch of celery or a small pumpkin. I like the celery more.
Nice, small baby
Not so nice, not so small baby
Milestones: All systems are go! She's adding fat and busy fine-tuning her brain and nervous system. She should have a firm grasp now, and I can't wait to feel it around my fingers!
I ended up taking a couple photos so here they:
And here's a fun video:
Milestones: All systems are go! She's adding fat and busy fine-tuning her brain and nervous system. She should have a firm grasp now, and I can't wait to feel it around my fingers!
I ended up taking a couple photos so here they:
38 weeks. I was wearing a cute dress earlier, but I got
crazy hot and needed as little on as possible.
38 weeks and FULL of taco salad and heartburn.
(Yes, that is an open toilet. Classy, I know.)
(Yes, that is an open toilet. Classy, I know.)
And here's a fun video:
Have a good week, y'all!
Over n' out.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Week 37
"Irrespective of age, we mourn for those loved and lost. Mourning is one of the deepest expressions of pure love. It is a natural response in complete accord with the divine commandment: 'Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die' (D&C 42:45).
Moreover, we can't fully appreciate joyful reunions later without tearful separations now. The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life."
-Russel M. Nelson, Doors of Death
It has been a good, but emotionally draining week.
Kevin and I got a call Friday afternoon from a family member in Utah letting us know that Kevin's grandpa, Vic Nielsen, had a massive stroke and wasn't going to make it.
Kevin and I made the decision to come out to Utah to be there, here, when they took Grandpa off life support, and to stay until after his funeral. Thanks to a very generous family member, we were able to get on a plane Saturday afternoon.
Saturday night and Sunday morning were spent at the hospital waiting for all the Nielsen children to arrive, along with their spouses, and grandchildren.
I have lost family members and children, but this was something I had never experienced before.
For starters, this will be the first funeral I have ever attended where I am old enough to be aware of what's going on. The last funeral I went to was for my great grandpa and I was maybe five years old?
I have also never watched anyone die. Honestly, I was scared. I was scared of watching him die, and I was really scared of being so close to death, but I have never seen anything as beautiful and tender as his passing.
Even though we were all sad, the tone in Grandpa's hospital room was peaceful and uplifting. We all laughed, hugged, told stories, and talked about Grandpa's life and what sort of man he was. Everyone took turns holding Grandpa's hand or gently brushing his forehead while they cried. I put one of Grandpa's hands on my stomach so he could feel his 10th great grandchild move. His wife, Grandma Marlene, put his favorite tie around his neck, and their sons, sons-in-law, and all the other men in the room who hold the Priesthood, gave him a beautiful blessing. Those who wanted to, wept as they said their goodbyes aloud.
"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck that which is planted;"
One of Grandpa's sons, Uncle Jared, wrote this describing the time between Grandpa being taken off life support and his passing:
"The deep sleep begins in a morphine dream as the sterile steel and sanitized plastics are removed, leaving only the man. He is tired and amid halting breaths heaves an occasional sigh as the soul untangles, ever so gently, from the survivor corporeal form. The noble man-soul, appealing to depart negotiates with his own instinctual form who clings to survive, to breathe, to pulse. I see a brave man who knows that his time has come but still has to engage in the final negotiation in his own melded form to assuage his own intrinsic need to live. Surrounded by those that dream for him to suddenly shudder awake, but gently urge him to move, to go, to shed this mortal coil, he slowly makes the choice, and as his Savior before him, he sleeps. God rest you noble man and take your rest."
Victor Nielsen, 1939-2014
Grandpa Nielsen passed around 3:24pm Sunday afternoon surrounded by those he loved, and who loved him. It couldn't have been more beautiful.
Because of our Savior, Jesus Christ, I know death is not the end. I take comfort in knowing we will all be together again. In the meantime, I imagine Grandpa is with our daughter, Sarai, and that they're having a great time getting to know each other. When we see them again, both will be whole, and it will be a glorious reunion.
Rest in peace, Grandpa Nielsen. Grandma is being well cared for, and we have the dishes covered. We love you.
____________________________________________________________
How far along: 37 weeks and 2 days. Only 19 days to go!
Maternity clothes: Some.
Sleep: Love it.
Movement: It feels like I'm carrying a yoga master.
Cravings: Getting this baby out (but only after September 10th since we're still in Utah).
Symptoms: Really tired again and peeing all the time.
Belly button in or out: Half and half.
Ring on or off: On.
Signs of labor: Nope.
Worst moment of the week: Hearing about Grandpa.
Best moment of the week: Being with the family.
What I'm looking forward to: Spending the next eight days with the family before heading home.
Victories of the week: I got in a little over 25 miles of hiking over the past week. That felt good. Haven't peed my pants. Still tying my own shoes, etc.
______________________________________________________
Size of baby: Our little miss could be 19.1 inches long from head to heel, and weigh as much as 6.5lbs. She is roughly the size as a bunch of Swiss chard this week (which seems a lot easier to push out than a coconut).
Our Swiss baby.
Milestones: Our baby is now considered full-term and can be born any day now. She will continue to gain weight at about half an ounce a day. She is ready to make her entrance into this world.
____________________________________________________________
Love y'all.
Over n' out.
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